This is my FIL's recipe, and you are lucky enough that he has allowed me to share it. I have no idea where he got it, but these are seriously some of the best pickles ever. One note: He always uses the huuuuge jar of Best Maid pickles. You know, those ginormous, insanely sour, circus freak pickles? Well, I don't have room in my fridge to store a giant bucket of pickles, so I scaled it down and used a quart jar of Kosher Dills. Apparently they don't yield quite as much juice as the huge pickles do, but they still taste just as amazing.
Ok, so first step. Empty the jar, drain the juice, and rinse the pickles and jar with cold water.
Step 2: Slice the pickles into hamburger slices. Put the slices back in the empty jar.
Step 3: Take a 12 ounce jar of pickled jalapenos, and drain about 1/3 of the jar. Do not rinse the jalapenos. Add the jalapenos to the top of the pickle jar. I know it probably seems like a lot, but the pickles will not be burn-your-mouth hot. It's ok if you don't believe me right now, just do it. You'll see. They'll have the perfect bite to them, but won't really be spicy.
Step 4: Ok, here's where you call me insane. You're already thinking your tongue is going to fall out of your mouth with that many jalapenos, right? Now add about 2 cups of sugar to the top of the jar. "Ok Leslie, you want me to burn my tongue off, and now you want to give me a mouth full of cavities too? What is my dentist going to think when I come waltzing into his office with no tongue and holes in my teeth?!" Just do it. You'll thank me later. Once the sugar is in the jar, put the lid back on. Do not add water or liquid of any kind. The pickles will make their own juice. Make sure you screw the lid down tight. And resist all urges to mix everything together. I have undiagnosed OCD too, I know it's hard to resist, but if I can do it so can you.
Step 5: Now here's the hard part. Let it sit at room temperature for 24 hours. Don't touch it, don't shake it, don't open the lid... just don't. At the 24 hour mark, THEN you can mix it all up. Just roll it around and let everything melt together. Then... don't touch it for another 24 hours.
After the second 24 hours (so that's 48 total) roll it around and mix it all up again. If you're really impatient you can taste them now. I know, I am too, and I always have to taste at this point. Soooo good. Now you can put them in the fridge. After a good 24 hours in the fridge they'll be nice and crispy. And sweet. And cold. With the perfect bite. If, like mine, there isn't quite enough juice to cover all the pickles, just roll the jar around each time you eat a pickle until there are few enough pickles in the jar to fit in the juice. ;)
If you make your own pickles you can probably work this recipe somehow to be used to pickle your fresh cucumbers. I have no idea how it would work, but someone out there has to be creative enough to try and figure it out.